missybinx

Wow. There was a slight drought of lj entries, once again. Alright but i'd figure that this time may be a better time than any. But hopelly the signal that I'm receiving doesn't co out on me by the time I finish and delete everything I wrote. Plus I'm using my phone so hopefully I dont' get charged major for the data usage.

Ok so last night was the beginning of yet another weekend with plans. Lol ok so yesterday was our West Canadian Christmas party. So we worked for 1/2 a day then headed off to Calgary. Yeah Calgary because that's where the main plant is and I guess more people were willing to go so yep.

Here let's just break it down so its a shorter entry. Let's do point form:
-get into calgary
-head to the Ramada to get ready. & in Danielle's case predrink..to get drunk.( oiy...)
-taxi it over to Bookers with 'Asim' our awesome driver
-apps and cocktaiis with staff. (Holy daaaamn there are SO many filipinos working there! Where here I am the only one in edmonton)
-everyone freaking out about Danielle being uber drunk..(this was an issue all night..)
-then met some guys from the West Can Calgary. And this lil filipino guy kept talking to me entertaining me. It was funny cause he kept introducing me to a bunch of people. Funny guy
-Tom gave everybody drink tix. Actually he kept buying everyone drinks last night. Very awesome.
-hit the dance floor with the jazz band that performed.
-then after we hit French Maid..a strip joint. Tom's idea..again weird! Him being our boss and everything. Lol! That was hella interesting. Me and Fernanda were totally new to that kinda thing. Nd apparently there was a football player from the Stampeders there. It was fummy seeing all of the women coworkers go crazy
-after thaaat me,becca,fernanda,and tom found a club that we didn't have to pay for cover. Reason of everyone else ditching the clubn idea. Paying for cover and everything. But on our way home...becca had to go to the washroom so she went into a club but somehow we got hooked up. No cover no line. I think the bouncer screwed up something good. Lol
-did the dancing thing..
-headed back to the hotel ..and to order pizza
-came back to my room to find Danielle passed out hard core on the floor and blood smeared on her face. Scared the crap outta me. That girl... oiy. Got becca to help clean her up nd prop her on the bed. Oiy..
-ate the pizza
-hit the sheets at like 10 to 3

Ok so those are the highlights.. and my hand hurts from typing this all out with my thumbs. Lol! And crossing my fingers..hopefully this entry will send.

Back to Edmonton..bus it home. Take a nap then get ready for the christening. Joooy.......

*sigh* Here I was thinking I was on some sort of updating streak here on LJ. Guess NOT. Lol! I still have to finish my backtrack updates. The ones that I said I'd do.. like months ago. Oiy.

Anyways..so today I basically spent the majority of my day in bed. I actually didn't sleep much sicne 2 this morning.. I kept screaming in pain every hour basically. I did get out of the house and headed for work, to only spend 20mins there and head home. Like I was told it was better for me to go home and rest than to pass out at work from the pain. You Gotta love the joys of menstral pain.. it's always been a major issue for me for the past couple years.

So yeah.. came home and thankfully when I got in bed the pain wasn't as bad as it was and I didn't have to pop any T3's to knock the pain right out.

Anyyway.. so quick update about the weekend I guess? So.. as much as I thought it was going to be a simple weekend..not so much. It ended up being very stressful for me as it was fun. So let's explain..

So Saturday.. woke up early. Did some chores..and texted people non-stop. So by the end of the morning.. I had made plans with an old friend, Yaz to chill for a few hrs. Then I was going to drive to the North to the cousins place since the "cousins" from Jasper decided to head up for the weekend to be with the kuya and ate for their birthday. Take that opportunity to get Tristan to try on the clothes I got him to make sure they'd fit and at the same time say my hi's to the ones that came up. Then I was going to head back south to hit the clubs with a few friends for their friend's bday. It was a simple plan... that I thought would be so simple. You'd think. But of course not.

So I did go to Yaz's chilled, caught up, and watched a movie. "He's just not that into you" some of which points of the movie now make sense. I'm just the rule. LOL! Anyways..it was around 6ish when I left and headed North and was being pestered to hurry up. Little did I know they were all going to a restuarant to celebrate. But I said I had other plans.. but I was guilted to going with them cause "these girls aren't here ALL the time, you can be with your friends next time! PLUS we invited Tyrell for you!" I didn't wanna be rude and ditch the people that always entertain me when I'm in Jasper..and the whole Tyrell thing was totally not cool. But yeaah it was a very awkward dinner.. which I was totally dressed for by the way..NOT! Oiy..

So yeah.. then somehow Ate Girlie and Kuya Ryan pursued me and Tyrell to follow them and everyone to their place to drink and chill. So there we were sitting at the table chilling.. and looking at wedding pictures and.. "Talking". It was waaay awkward. Like now that I look back I shoulda taken advantage of the situation... BUT I totally felt we weren't on the same wavelength. I think he was feeling someone's wavelength if you know what I mean. So when I sensed that I quit and I wanted to go out. Haha But I mean.. I did chill and go along with it for a while till like almost 12ish then me and Daph decided to meet up the friends that were at the club.

Which was fun. Ran into an classmate from College. Still looking good and apparently it was his birthday. Who knew.. haha But seeing him first off totally made my night. Lol! But yeaah so I got to introduce Daph to the close friends Moe, Ann, and James and we got to party with the birthday boy and guests. But it's sad it got short. So shortly after Moe, Ann, and James left.. we left after.

Of course our night wasn't over yet.. we got picked up and met up with Jayson and Jeff and insisted they come chill with us. It's really awkward cause I swear they are the asian kids I don't like. Those ones you wanna hit.. Haha but I've known Jayson for a while and Jeff recently and of course Daph too. So yeah.. our night didn't end till like 5 in the morning.. wait that was for me. I called it a night..and hit the beds. I think they were still up watching movies.

Yeeaaah it was an intense SATURDAY. Too much went on.. that I didn't even get to absorb it all. In short I didn't get home till 5pmish Sunday. When I got home..crashed and slept all night. Hahaha

And here I am now..online. Online for the longest time in a while actually. Haha I'd figure this time is a good time to look for gift ideas. I am so clueless this year.

OH! and here's a video of my debut on Philippine national TV. LOL! I had to cut it to the introduction parts. And yes, I look as if I don't know what I'm doing. Ohh my shining moment.. *sigh* Enjoy! Lol!

I honestly don't wanna be questioning the Big Guy's destiny for me.. but I can't help but question, "Why do you present me with something that has all the potential to be a good opportunity...then take it back so quick when I was so close."It's happened so many times...this year, it's actually getting me frustrated with myself. Like what more do I need to do?! What am I doing wrong!? Or in other words "WHY?!...if you're just going to take it away from me..</b>"

It happened with the guys in my life... I don't think Im ready to even go into that right now. But as of late, it has definitely impacted me in my daily life. As much as I try to push it to the back of my mind.. it always finds a way into my mind at one point of my day everyday. It's super frustrating.

Then we have work. I honestly don't know.. I was presented with an awesome opportunity to earn some cash and gain some new experiences. I actually had to convince my mother that it was going to be a good thing for me.. and once I had her convinced it was all set. The company had paid for our flights to Fort MacMurray, two weeks accommodation, a car, and five hundred for food. It was going to be a good situation. Although..I kind of had to question if I really wanted to go or pass, even when my mother said I could go.

This was kinda hard...cause there were a couple of friends that I met down in Jasper through another friend. They were planning to come up to Edmonton before they leave. It doesn't sound like much to hold back from an opportunity like that... but the fact that they're contract workers[I know! Me & contract workers?! wtf. lol] and their contracts were done in Jasper..so they have to find another contract or go back. And as far as I knew all of them couldn't renew in Jasper for the ski resorts. So.. yeah. Long story short some of them were planning to come up before they leave.. I didn't know when but I thought it could of been in the 2 weeks I would have been gone. That was the dilemma I made for myself. Gay, I know.

So with this said.. I asked God to give me a sign. Give me the sign for me to be assured that the trip was for me and that the friends will just have to pass and I'd see them never again. And I believed I saw the sign.. it seemed pretty clear to me. The woman that was going in place of me [the one they had to choose to replace me the first time I had to say no] got fired, and it was a clear sign that I had to fill in.. It is a pretty sure sign right? So I started to get excited getting into what the work trip would be like. Maybe, too excited.

Once again.. the hope and excitement I build up inside me, once expressed on the outside always means a jinxed situation. It always seems to be proof for all the fall outs in my experiences. *sigh*

In this situation the client didn't like the where the project was going, and apparently didn't even wanna start the project but did anyways.. so they didn't wanna continue the project. So we got a phone call saying they didn't need three people anymore.. they just needed two people to finish what needs to be done in Fort Mac, for three days. *sigh* So I was obviously dropped. So it sucks.. So I'm left here thinking, ok so maybe it isn't meant to be... and the other thing that was contributing to me holding back was the one that Im meant to stay back for. But I highly doubt that too. WTF?!.. FML.

I just wish I knew what I'd have to do, for something that I know is good.. to follow through being a good thing.

One last entry as a 20 year old.

Holy damn... 20 fuckin years already. Grabeh. It's hard to believe that it's going on 21 years in a matter of a few hours. And it's crazy to see where I am now and look back to where I was...

All the things I know now that I never knew before. The people who have come in and out of my life, and the ones that remain. How much I appreciate the little things. Things I've learned to expect. And how I've come to respect life that much more.

It's just crazy... and a tad sad that my year 20 is done and I'm moving on to another year. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up crying on tomorrow going through flashbacks of the past.

Goodbye, 20. Hello 21.

The struggle seems to be never ending. I have no one to blame but myself. And you know what, I wont deny the fact that it is my fault. No matter what or who initiates things... how I react is on my part.

There's been too many things going on to think straight these days. And like kuya Dennis said last night, "Its your fault. You keep making it a stressful thing. You could just ignore everything as in like nothing happened." But of course I can't...This is why I am frustrated with myself. Frustrated with myself, also leads to frustration towards others.

And as much as I'd like to think that if I keep things to myself, others wouldn't be affected... There's no way around the fact that they would be affected too. I wish I understood why God puts us in these kinds of situations. Is it how we once again persevere in the situation? Trying to get over the struggle is so frustrating! Sometimes I feel like I just wanna sit here with the white flag and succumb to this black aura that is my failure. And this is all because of a couple of guys in my life. I don't understand! ....

I am slowly starting to fall into bad habits. Habits that I force myself to believe are the best forms of healing. But the feeling the next day once again screws with my head then creates other problems for me. I want a way out... a guided way out... the right way out... the best way out... Lord, please help me. Give me a sign... I can only do and take so much right? My heart may be big...but it is in a very fragile state. Im afraid that the more it gets picked at.. there will be nothing left.

Please Lord, give me substance...guidance.. I need to know.




Exaaactly how I feel.

Alright, well for the past 2 weeks now I've been working 10 hr shifts and it's been getting to me. And I believe I have one more week of 10 hr shifts. I best be getting some OT pay for this..forreal. Haha but yes.

This weekend was well.. one crazy one. Filled with a bunch of things I would have never thought..but definitely filled with memories. Friday-Saturday-Sunday ended up being eventful days..

Friday.. was Yazmin's pubcrawl. I had planned to go with Kristine on the original plan for Yazmin's birthday which was going to be held at The Bank, but when Yaz changed it to a pubcrawl... she backed down. But I owe it to Yaz to show up to atleast one of her birthdays. She has always came out for mine and it was the least I could do for this one. I got Moe to come out, which I am thankful for. I knew it was going to be weird...but surprisingly it went better than I thought. There were many things that happened as the intoxication started to increase that night. We figured it was time for a good time..and I figured it IS the last weekend of summer. Gotsta enjoy.. Although there are some blurry memories here are some. Haha

-Free shots with the people that worked with Olive Garden
-Tall black guy we kept running into
-Empty dance floors
-The missing "paper" that everyone was looking for
-Youngn' boys..totally didn't think I was going to do what I did
-The moments in the bus were hilarious
- Iron horse run ins..Highschool people
-Jipped taxi ride

Haha Saturday night was our Karaoke night with Ann & Moe. I personally was excited for this. I was supposed to chill with Ann in the afternoon but things came up, and we're going to do a raincheck soon. But after picking up Moe we went to pick up Ann. Ended up getting some grub from their BBQ that I was totally did not know they were having. But I had a good burger. Mmmm Haha then we headed to the Laser Karaoke place. We were originally going to stay for 2 hrs but we had lost track and ended up being there for 3 hours. But I swear it took us like half an hour to figure out how to use the thing. It was a total trip down memory lane..with the old school songs. <3!

-Spice Girl excitement for Ann
-British Group experience for moi
-Michael Jackson tribute from Moe
-"Performing" in front of each other
-Trying to rap

Sunday..oh Sunday... I was going to use this day to relax. Well technically I did.. but like I posted in the "earlier" post [the one prior to this] there was one thing I had an issue about today..Other than that I finally scored the floor tickets for Keith Urban with Lady Antebellum. Super excited to see Lady Antebellum live and of course Keith. Haha And then I Finally got my Francis Magalona shirt. It wasn't the one I wanted but the one that fit me better is nice too. =]

Ok I really have to head to bed right now or I'm not going to get up tomorrow.. *sigh* Sad that it's back to reality tomorrow. =[

Seriously, what is it that he wants from me? What is it that he needs to talk to my mom about?

...so just when I thought the "Return of the bastard Father" was done. I was sadly wrong. Well, I figured since he stopped calling me incessantly he had given up. [Even if..I stated in a previous blog that deep inside me I wish he wouldn't give up] And that was the end of the story.

Who would have figured that fate had something else in store for us. Who would have thought avoiding his calls wasn't enough. Apparently it was more apparent that the instead of distancing myself from trouble, that trouble would appear in front of my eyes in the flesh. Yes, yes I had a run in with my father. Of ALL things to happen.. this?! What was even more fucked up was the fact that he was with his family.. and I was with my mom. And my mom was the one that noticed them and realized who they were... where as for myself I didn't even know or even took a second glance at that family.

So of course when my mom spotted them [we were in Canadian Tire Calgary Trail btw] she immediately grabbed me and pulled me aside and went "it's your dad!" and.. I think it wasn't a subtle pull-aside cause I think he spotted us at the same time. So we like speed walked into different aisle's trying to look for the exit. And of course the father just ends up magically in the aisle we were going to 'escape' in.

My mom totally was able to make a getaway cause she totally ran away thinking I would too.. I honestly don't know why I didn't but when he spotted me I felt obligated to stay. WTF went through my brain that time?! So I got stuck. And what was even more FUCKED up was that my "step" siblings were there. Greeeat... my midget, literally speaking by the way... brother ran and hugged me right away. I didn't feel obligated to return gesture of course.. and my father apparently felt it was important I be introduced to the little girl. Who always sees me in the picture they have [I know that too is fucked up] and wants to meet me. And of course that 'mistress' of his kept her distance which I totally appreciate, waved from where she was hiding..then covered her mouth like she was crying. He immediately asked me 'why you never answer your phone?!' and I told him I don't have my phone anymore..or I don't use it often..but I think he believed I didn't have my phone. Haha He asked why we didn't pick up the phone at home.. explained we don't have caller ID so we don't know who calls and that nobody is home anyway. Which of course lead to 'so you have a job now?' and yes, yes I do bitch. Haha

I honestly do not know what to feel right now. I don't understand what God is trying to tell me here... like he keeps telling me he wants to talk to my mom really bad. And I even told him "Good luck trying to talk to my mom. She's not... Hah really willing to." and then he's all "Why? But I really wanna talk to her" he says this with urgency in his tone.. yet like my mom said "Why doesn't he just tell you!? Why does he want to talk to me!?"

He's good.. he's real good. It's like he's slowly reeling me in with this mystery of why he wants me back in his life. I just hope it's nothing like... you know "fatal" kinda thing you know?

I just can't fucking wrap it around my head to WHY?!.

Why hello what would be empty pages in an actual journal.. or would they? Now that I'm actually writing? Lol! Man Im surprised I have this much energy... typing all this when in reality I am totally like super tired. Like my head is actually hurting. >.< I just thought I'd update the journal... it has been a while and there are days when i come home saying, "I gotta write that in the journal." But never have the time cause I'm either passed out on the couch or busy doing other stuff. So now that I have a bit of time... here I go? Lol.

Alright, well I don't think I even got the chance to blog about how I finally got a job. Finally after months of putting it off. Haha basically cause I spent time traveling and spending money.. which I do not regret at all. [I think I tried posting about my trip.. but it needs more details. It will be up soon tho.. keep a look out for them Haha] Now, that I am at work and all. I am glad I took the time off when I had the chance. Oh yeah it's at a place called "West Canadian". It's in downtown. Surprise, surprise. I always said "I am going to miss downtown." Haha It's not that bad so far and the people I am currently working with aren't too bad either. And I can't complain too much, except maybe the fact that I feel like I haven't slept since I started working. Haha But that's probably because I haven't worked so much. Haha But yeah there's one thing.

Uhhm.. what else? I know there are tons to talk about I just can't think of any right now.. I gotta just blog when I can so I don't have a bunch of blogs like mine going "ohh man I can't remember..." Lol!

Ohh yeah the times that me, ann and moe have hung out recently. Especially after Ann's trip to Japan. [Thanks again for the souvie's dude! Charmander Haha] There's something about our hang outs that other people can't fill. And Im glad that, this friendship...in the end has persevered. Oh yeah we had a GNO for the first time on Whyte. Good times. Oh and btw, I am totally a fan girl of Big Bang. Because of non-other than Ann. Lol! But sad that me and moe have to share one man. =[ LOL!

Hmmm.. what else. OH how can I forget. The 2 men that I thought may be part of my life, as the "one." I totally guessed wrong. Sometimes I feel like God is teasing me. Like how can you present me with what seems like a perfect situation and then take it from me? ...Ok not like either of them were mine to begin with but.. I don't know. I believe God has a plan. But for now, all I have left are the stories. I guess I jinxed it, once again. Haha Brian the tall asian...where some say we'd be "good" together". Haha then Tyrell, the white guy with a black name. LOL! The shy guy with that shirt. Aaha *sigh*

Oh yeah.. and I have to come up with a plan. A plan to get back into shape. I can't believe how much I've gained back since my whole loss back in 'o7. It's just really sad...If I just kept going I would be actually "ok" with myself. Now... now I have to come up with something.. that will take me somewhere. Here's hoping. Lol!

Hmm...Is it possible to be sick again? Haha I swear. Before we left for BC last month, I was crazy sick. This is when we found out that Uncle Pas passed away. =[ Then I am sick again! Or nearing the end of my sickness. It's horrible. Like I was all mucus at work.. and my head felt like it was going to explode. Yeah it was pretty.. But dang.. maybe I should listen to my mom and take the damn Vitamin C pills that she's been forcing me for years to take. LOL

Oh yeah a quick note.. Rest In Peace Grandma Petra! My mom said you were the nicest, and that you were her adopted mother. Haha She was my mom's best friends mom. My mom said she was really close to her and she took care of me when I was a kid too. Man I envied this family and how close they were and how they came together to say goodbye to their mom. I even wrote Dana a message saying how much I envied her family. It was just heartbreaking going to the funeral. I haven't been to one in a while and I bawled so much.. especially when the little grandchildren were weeping and crying. =[ It was weird when we went to the viewing.. everybody was all "omg! Charlene?! you're so big now! Do you remember me? I used to take care of you!" I heard that from like.. everyone. Lol! It's just sad that we had to part from that family because of feuds but its good to see that when in times of need everyone comes together.

*sigh* What else.. I can't believe it's still summer! I haven't even realized it's still summer! =[ I always try to get my weekends worth tho.. so Im scheduling for events whenever but it just never feels like summer those days. *claps* wow.. look at this update. So many things. Haha Till Next time!

Peace <3!

To the uncle I never got to personally know, but knew through mouth of word. I did get the chance to meet you for only what seemed to be seconds. But in those few seconds, I received a smile everytime I would say 'Hi Uncle!'. I wasn't too sure if you knew who I really was. But I'm just going to assume you did.

You were a strong man, that my mom always seemed to complain about for your antics, but deep down inside we all know it was all in the form of love for her brother. We are all surprised and sadden of your loss but sana naman you can be free from all pain and worries. May God bless and guide your soul to his home in heaven.

I only wish I could have known you better. Even for all of us to be there to pay respects to your body. But hopefully you can understand the conditions, and I hope now you may rest in peace. And you will definately be missed.

Much Love Uncle. Till next time. <3

Alright, So Im totally in no mood to be blogging right now.. Even if I have yet to blog about the past events that had happened prior to today. But I just had to write what was on my mind even if it were just for a little while...

So my father has suddenly placed himself back into my life, undesirably. Flashback;;I kid you not I think it was the time that my mom decided to brag about me, to the Godmother we saw a few months ago whom we haven't seen in years. It was basically to make her feel bad and to show that my mom survived without any of them. And probably so that these godparents of mine would report back to my father, who they probably still keep in contacts with. It was all good, cause I totally went a long with it to show that my mother was a survivor. Ok now flashback to now. That was back in February. Two months after that event, my father decides to call me. What I never understood was, why. Why now!? What was it that gave him the courage to call me now...

All I know is that, he knows that I have no graduated and everyone is thinking, "he probably wants to know you now, now that your all grown up and finished school... and maybe he thinks that he helped pay for everything." Chhyeah.. not that whole $150/month child support deal. I know. But once I found out that it wasn't any emergency issue when I talked to him that one time.. I decided and was advised to stay away. And that is what I have done. But he continues until now to call me, leaving the same message everytime. "Hi Charlene, it's your dad. Please call me back at #'s." Now, if only he can just say what he wants from me on the messages...

There is a feeling inside me... a confusing feeling. As much as I Hate him right now, there's a part of me that wishes he'd keep calling. A part of me wishes he wont give up. Continue to leave messages and phoning, even if I don't pick up on the other end. Eventually telling me how he did wrong.. You know those feelings? The ones that assure you, he still wants to be a part of your life but he has to prove to you that he will be there.

If only he knew... how much he's hurt me and continues to hurt me.

Aloha! Alright, well it's been a while since I came back from my trip to Philippines and I can't believe I haven't even updated this for even my personal purposes. I'm just glad I took one of my day planners with me, so I practically wrote down everything I did in it so I wouldn't forget. I may...have to refer to it while I update my post regarding my trip.

Ok so I left off with..the post that I wrote when I was in Philippines... Im sad now. I wish I was still there. There's more places and things I wish I did. Bitin na Bitin. But my time there was awesome. Ok so carrying on from my last update;

-Mom and auntie made a mends the night after the big brawl. THANK YOU LORD. (me and the mother went to Baclaran Church that day of the fight and I totally prayed that they would make a mends since our vacation just started and since it was drama from long time ago.)

-Uncle Totoy came with Auntie Inday that night... may have been the ones to make them reconcile. Thankful.

- Eat Bulaga! A Pinoy game show that's been a while a long time. Got my moments of fame on philippine television. Lol. Wished we went to Wowowee(the more recent and popular game show on abs-cbn but this works.)

-Went to Auntie Linda's place in Camarin, Novaliches for the weekend for Misa and the handaan.[Took a bus, Jeepney, and a Tricycle in one day. Ohh man can u imagine me...in the tricycle. Oh Lord. Haha] Cook out, Karaoke and all nighters. I got in shit for not singing till late at night. =[ BUT I did do the songs requested and then I stopped. The funny part was that mommie was willing to get me drunk if I needed to just to sing. Lol! Yeah the cousins spiked the juice both nights. Ahh the Saludez ladies know how to drank. Haha That didn't sound like a cry for Alcoholics Anonymous. Lol Heard a lot of scary stories about Uncle Romy. [Thank you uncle for not visiting me that night. ] Heard a lot of stories from different relatives about the relatives in general. Ohh the gossip.

-Bataan!! Road tripped to a place that one of my aunt's (or is it ate's?); 'te Fe is from.
;;First night slept over at Father Bamba's house. The priest that came to Camarin for the misa. This priest has his own mansion on a hill-ish. It's hard to explain but he's got his own land with his mansion in the middle of everything. This house was crazy it actually scared the shit out of me cause its like one of those houses that you'd see in a horror film. But like Ate Mick said, "Let's just stay tonight so you can say you experienced sleeping in a mansion." Haha It was awesome. I barely had any sleep that night. But I did get to bond with the pinsans. Angie, 'Te Aileen and Len Len. Girl talk..ohh and for future references;;Careless Whisper was the tune that was kept playing in their throats that night on. Haha

;; BEACH DAY! Went to 'Te Fe's place and got some stuff that we may need.. since we were staying at a cottage on the beach for a couple of days. OH yeah. So I was totally in my pj's since I didn't want to change thinking we were going straight to the beach...yeah went to the market to buy our food...in my pj's. Fabulous. Lol! Of course it was on me...cottage nights & food. Lol Whatevs. As long as I got to experience what I wanted. Which I totally did. I totally binged on beach time. It was awesome. Last time I went to the beach I was 10 in Hawaii. I had to make the best of it.

;; BEACH DAY AGAIN! Haha yeah.. basically hit the beach again. Effn' burnt our feet on the sand as in seriously. Since we decided to go on the beach at 10ish..and the sand was already scourging hot. Smart. Haha but what's even smarter...someone forgot to put some effn' sun block. Yeah that's right... I totally forgot. And my face and upper body had to pay for it. It was sick cause my face peeled a couple days later and everyone was looking at me. Lol

- MOA Mall of Asia our second home in manila. Lol! We always took the shuttle.. it was awesome. Haha but that mall is HUGE.. like we probably didn't go through it all. I stayed close to the air conditioned areas. =p But yeah.. since I got my experiences down, and my mother and auntie have been pampering themselves crazy since the trip began... it was my turn. I went to get my hair rebond. Which is where they get your hair all smooth and everything like it would be if I hadn't fried my hair with all the dye and flat ironing through the years. Which is waaaay awesome. Cause when you get out of the shower you can just let it dry and it wouldn't be frizzy or look dry at all. It'd just dry straight, smooth and have a natural feel to it. Oh man, it took FOREVER to get done, and I spent 7000 pesos altogether. They said it was going to be like 5000+ but.. knowing the gay guys. Talk they're way into anything. But I don't regret it for one bit. Im still loving it. Oh yeah and after.. since me and my mom missed the shuttle I got to go shop around for things for myself. I bought a Rico Blanco cd and a song chip for the magic mic.

;; Oh man. I can't forget. This day we went to MOA... my mom 4got her wallet so we had to taxi it back to the hotel.. and leave auntie at MOA and meet up with her when we got back. But the douche bag taxi driver totally probably figured out that we were balikbayans.. cause he charged us 140pesos for the trip from MOA to the hotel which costs at most 100pesos but 50 pesos if metered. Facker..he didn't even take us to the hotel cause he's all 'taxis are not allowed in that street'. We had to walk! God.. disgrace to his kind. Lol! But seriously he pissed us off. So we decided to take one of these tiny jeep things cause I took one before with Ate Aileen and Uncle Gil and it only cost 7 pesos. So me and my mom go and take it to go back to the mall.. and omg. Worst idea ever. Im pretty huge compared to what the normal filipino person would be. So it was tiiight inside the jeep my long legs were intertwined with some guys.. and omg.. it was a nightmare.. But yeah Im not going to get into it;; We had issues with the transportation that day. Lol!

- Went to Sutikil for dinner.. which was at our hotel. My mom and auntie went once.. when I was in Bataan. Then I came along this time. Since we felt like we needed to spoil our selves.. and not the relatives anymore. Haha It was our turn. So yeah we had dinner there. Amazing. And a couple of guys Harana'd(serenade) to us. They were good. And they sang 2 songs to us unlike the one song they sang at the other tables. I'm just saying. Haha


Ok Other memories;;
-Auntie totally trying to hook me up with our waiter at the hotel where we go for our buffet breakfast. It was our first morning there and it was soo embarrassing. Auntie: "Uy, Dalaga siya." Him: *Smiles then realizes its awkward* Me: *I didn't even have anything smart to say but smile stupidly* It was really awkward after... but I think he got assigned a diff. section after the first couple mornings cause we favored him and tipped him big. LOL

-AJ! Super kulit but sooo adorable. She's too smart for her age. Thankful I saw her when she's still 3.. (I always told ate mick I wanted to meet her before she grew up)

-Aljur and Joseph on EAT BULAGA.

-Fans.. in Manila are crazy!! I may post the aftermath of the David Archuleta & David Cook concert.

-My moms pick of which waiter she'd hook me up with. At the same place we go to breakfast every morning. Haha he eventually grew on me.

-RICHIE! Haha

-OMG.. someone's body odor. "Put down the window so we can get some Fresh Air. " Lol!

-The washrooms CR! At the bar in Camarin.. I couldn't figure it out. No Flush, No toilet paper, but there is a tabo. First experience. Out of all places... I was already drunk by the time I went to the washroom too. Haha

-That bar in Camarin... me and the dude that was singing during the live band section totally eying eachother. Till I had too many beers to even see straight. Lol! Kidding. It was after Ate An got her birthday shout and song from them. OH yeah, it was her birthday! Haha


Alright, its getting late and I have come down with something..so I shall rest. But that's basically a review of what mostly went down in Philippines.. the other stuff in my planner. Haha But all in all, a trip I will never forget. Next year--> EUROPE! Score. Lol!

Peace Out.

Signing in...

Quick updates;; I have found myself in the heart of Philippines, Manila. Landed on May 12 to the hottest and very humid air I haven't felt for since I went to Hawaii I believe. It hasn't been a week, but there's been a few things going on...

-Baclaran; Church and street side vendors(crazy mathafckrs)
-Greenhills; Cheeaaaap things.
-The tux concert; We totally fell asleep, trying to wake up. It was a good show tho.
-Some bar; live band played. Good times.
-Mall of Asia; Huge mall.
-David Cook & David Archuleta concert; (kuya totally hooked us up)
-Fight broke out with my mom and auntie; the past has come back... Fuck.

..that's it for now. I have to go b4 I get charged 2ice for another hour on the internet. Haha

Signing out...Peace

Aiite I just had to do a quick update for mainly myself.. Lol. I feel like there has honestly been a ton of things that have been going on in the week.. or is it two now that I've been out of school, but I don't think there was. It just went by too fast to look back to what it is that I've been doing to occupy my mind and time. Lol!

I haven't been applying for any jobs.. yes I know.. But I wont be here for like month so why bother doing it now? I'll have time and hopefully opportunities when I comeback. *crosses fingers*

Ohh ok for things that I've been doing to occupy my time.. besides the constant draining of my gas tank from going places.. I've actually started reading the "Twilight" series. I know ... me? Pfft. It has just blown up to this big time thing last year, so I was hesitant to even open the book. Seeing how die hard some of the fans of the book are.. totally turned me off. But I guess I thought why not? now that I have plenty of time..and it was a major convienence that it was in my cuzins hands cause I wouldn't have bought the book. Lol All I have to say is that.. it is definitely a book that has drawn me in. Haha I haven't been able to put the book down. Hopefully if I finish the book this week and it lures me into the second book I can bring the second book with me for the plane rides considering how long they are. Lol!

Grad! It's two days away. I hope it'll be a good time, seeing that it's the last time we're all probably going to see eachother..ever. *sigh* It's just way too bitter..sweet. Haha Then two days after I am off, out of this city. Ohh maan how time flies.


Alright, quickes in short;;
-Hearthrobs concert for mommie's bday gift=effin' crazy. I swear, I had a preview to what the Philippines would be like. Winspear Centre was honestly full. But daaaamn <3John Lloyd! *sigh* Oh yeah, I also ran into an old friend, Ken. It was very awkward cause.. well time has changed. Haha

- Finished classes..my program is actually done. I actually cried after our potluck..sad to find out the only teacher that I liked isn't going to make it out to grad. Internal conflict happened with another situation. Fckin' bitch. Lol!

- Went to Hudson's that same day on a spontaneous limb with Moe and her Journalism classmates. The one time we were both free and not playing phone tag. Lol! I hadn't seen her in like over a month so it was overdue and I couldn't find no reason to deny a drink or two..in celebration. Right? Lol.

- Drove to Spruce Grove; got lost then found my way around. I found it fun. Haha

-Discovered cupcake land. Haha one of the owners= awesome dude.

-Had one of my first clients. Haha I had the chance to make a friends business card for a business they just started. Although there were issues with the printing.. I pretty much got it all to work. Still owe them though.

Should be...

hehe Im very fond of my kiko icon right now.. haha Studying since my two finals are tomorrow... but I thought I'd just do a quick update. Sooo it is April 21st 2009. Holy shit. I swear it's scary how time really does fly. I'm actually getting more and more sad, knowing that the end of my school term is just around the corner. Even with how everyone interacts with each other now, I will still miss how it is at the end of the day. *sigh* Two years is short. Shit, I swear I feel like I've just graduated high school last year...when in reality it's been coming up to three years. Holy shit. With all that... I have to be happy that I am finishing and starting a new era. Which will hopefully in the end will benefit the goals I've had all along.. including helping the mommie and all. Haha

Change is scary.. but it's the only thing that remains constant, in a world full of change.

Oh yeah updates with things happening in school... I was approached to represent our school for the World Skills Competition by Wayne. And I was totally psyched and a tad nervous. Till I found out when the competition was, then I had to turn it down since I wont be here then. Totally bummed me out. But on a happier note, I did receive an award/scholarship from our program today. One of two; Me and Barb. That totally made my day. The mula can be come in handy very much. Haha

I can only hope that things turn out ok... and holy shit grad is coming up in a couple weeks. It is then... that it will officially be the end of this journey. Sad Times...my times there will be missed.

Ok well I had to vent before... I go honest to God go crazy.. and since to my not so much surprise, no one seems to be available.

I just received a phone call from my father.. or in his words "Dad". Well he left a message saying "Hi Charlene, it's your Dad.. can you please call me back.. # " Honestly, wtf?! The thing is, I was going to answer it but I hesitated cause I thought it was going to be a telemarketer so I let it hit the machine cause I'd usually answer it if someone is I know is talking. But as I was ready to hit the stop on the answering machine I heard this voice.

Ok I am honestly... going crazy right now. I had a bunch of stuff planned to do.. but now I just... need direction. Do.. should I call him back? But wtf is he calling me for?! And if I did... would I tell my mom!? DO I tell my mom? Because I obviously know where that's going... "Don't call him back!" And of course that's what Im saying in my head... but Fuck.. how can I... Ugh! It's so hard to put into words what I feel right now.

I wanna compare his voice as an old voice that I've been waiting to hear from...but I can't. Cause it isn't that simple... but what can he possibly need from me?! What if he needs a fucking kidney from me?! or even worse..his kids?! Oh my FUCKING ...ugh! You know... I only wish he'd call me just to say that he wants to meet me... but it's just not like that. I know him... and why he does the things he does... I can't ... just dream of something that impossible.

Omg... I need to hear a voice that can guide me through what to do.. and KNOWS me.. and this situation. Oh Lord...Help me.

X.x

Wow, I am totally caffeinated right now. Honestly... I came home planning to catch up on my dramas and then take a quick nap before I do the things I need to do by the end of the day. But when I finished watching my dramas... I ended up watching some other shows on TFC.. and now am still watching Wowowee. Usually after watching my dramas I'm like sound asleep. It took me a while to realize that maybe it's the large double double I had this afternoon that is keeping me awake right now. Which is surprising, this is because usually its the grande tai chi latte that gives me the greatest dose of caffeine. Which I recommend it if you ever need to stay awake. =D

Anyways... today's show of Wowowee for their willie of fortune segment, has contestants that are young mothers and young fathers. It's crazy... apparently there was a major line up just to qualify to be part of this segment of the show. Which of course leaves you to think, what are the young people in philippines thinking!? Life is hard as it is now... plus the reputation that philippines alone has, being the wealthy country it is and all... that was sarcasm by the way. Haha Ok that's probably just the cynic in me coming out. But I guess it's to each their own. Well the cool part about it was that they got to explain their story...and what they have learned. I guess. Oh God.. LOL! Whatevs.. not my life. Haha props to willie though! He makes everyone happy. Igiling giling!

Aiite enough of that. Holy shit! I think it it just hit me today, I've only got 7 and a half weeks left of school. Holy mother shit. The deadlines are freakn intense... and yet it's like I seem to act as if, you know... there's no worries. Which is always, Oh-so-grande. I honestly.. have not been myself since we left for work experience a few weeks back. It's nothing I can't explain right now... it's something internally. It just sucks that it's happening... now. And it even sucks more that I feel as if I were deserted some how. To be fair, I think my mind is just pushing all priorities to the side of my brain cause it's just too much to face. Which in reality i just not good. There's project deadlines, critiques (in which I am not too fond of these days..), which places to apply after graduating, will they accept my me, trip planning, paper work, and graduating.. if ever. *sigh* It's just... ugh. I just don't know where or how to approach any of these. In all honesty, I'm just dealing with it on a day to day basis.. which is absurd cause there needs to be more time put into these things. *sigh*

Oiy! this entry was supposed to be all about the Perfect Combination Concert..with Toni, Erik, Eric and Tuco that was last last weekend. Ok well, compared to last year's Hearthrobs Concert (which I am going to again this year) was way better. Our seats were hella close; aisle seats row F at the Winspear. And we got to be up close with Toni and Erik when they walked the aisles. <3 Performance wise, it was great. Eric and Tuco were effin hilarious. I never laughed so much at a show before, I've got videos to prove it. Haha. And the dear Erik Santos.. he is soo adorable with an amazing voice. If he were taller... we'd be already married. Lol!! Then there's Toni! My Idol! Pfft... if only I looked like her and had her voice. I've been a long time fan of hers. And I am totally happy that I paid for those tickets and I got to go with my mom. Haha it was funny cause we knew there were a lot of filipinos out and me and my mom aren't really... socialites. So it was just funny for us. Lol! Actually the original concert that me and my mom were supposed to go to was the "Hearthrobs Concert prt 2" this april... that was my gift to her.. for her birthday. But I couldn't miss this! Yeah.. anyways we had an awesome time and I totally appreciate the fact that there was a meet and greet after the show! Thank God! Unlike the Hearthrobs last year.. talk about beeotches! Minus SAM! All I'm saying is that when tickets cost that much... it wouldn't hurt for the artists to come out and say hi, sign autographs, and take pictures. And I am grateful that this time they did.

OH GOD! Ok I was just rambling there... anyways! Bottom line.. Perfect Combination Concert= brilliant. I may post pictures in a future post.. Actually, I should post do a post for all the concerts I've been to last year and this year.. holy crap. *points* That's where all my money goes to. Live shows! LOL! Whatevs.. it's a passion. Haha

Paaayce!

Paalam Francis Magalona. You will be missed.

Alright, if there is anything that I appreciate greatly in life, it'd be defintely a man who has true love for his family, and is distant from temptaions. It's probably because of the example that the first man in my life has set for me on how I view men in my life. Yes, I am blaming him. It's true though with the example he has set for me, how can I not help but set my standards for men with his. Don't get me wrong but there are plenty of men that, oh my God I'd do anything for to but I don't think they'd count, they'd be more of an infatuation. There have definitely been the boys, I mean guys... but nothing serious enough to even consider a future with them, so not much of a worry yet. But it will always be in the back of my head indefinietly.

But this all ties in to Mr. Francis Magalona. I did not know this man personally but with what I know and have learned about him, he was a talented artist through music and television with a ton of pinoy pride which the nation embraced but at the end of the day his life revolved around his family. He had eight kids and from what I saw from coverage, he had more than enough love for every child of his plus his wife. One thing that I recently found out and stands out, is that for valentine's day he'd always send flowers to the girls in his life, I think there's four girls. But there's one post on his blog from like 3 years ago saying he'd send them flowers every Valentine's till the day he dies... and it's hearbreaking.

Although he was pretty young to leave everyone behind, he has left behind a legacy will always be rememberd. I'll always remember him as the family man and father I wish I had. (Which may be weird because I did at one point long time ago think he was cute, before I found out how old he was..Haha)

This only proved to me that maybe there are some guys that didn't always think with their dicks for once, existed. Who knew? Haha

Wherever you are Francis Thank you.

Haha yeah that.. I wanna sex you up song has been in my head all afternoon. I thought it'd be an appropriate blog post. Haha Alright, well I'm totally back in school now. Work Experience is done.. and I'm kind of glad it is. I had a good experience there but it's always good to go back to the niche that you made at school. But the fact that I'm back in school.. there's a lot of things to be done. And it's just going to be grande having two new teachers teach us. Oiy. I'm just hoping they don't let their eyes deceive them with what's in front of them versus with how some people really are. I'm hoping.

Haha but yeah enough of that. I finally came up with my list of my "whom to do". I was tagged by a dear friend to do one because it was sort of like the lists we did back in our school years. I only came up with 10 of the 20. Jeeze coming up with ten people was hard as it is, like men that are bed worthy and everything. Haha my description is a tad creepy but so me. Haha

o1o. Rayver
Ok yeah... he may be a year youngn' (YEAH I KNOW!..you'd never think of that of me. Haha) but this young man has set the standards for all potential filipino hook ups. LOL! Like he's hellsa tall.. and wait that's practically it. Wait he does have a mean set of abs, crazy dancer, and always smiles. I want a Rayver. Haha


oo9. Derek
Mmmmm..


oo8. Donnie
Yes although he may be a "Grown Man" now, Mm-mm-MMM I'd let him be my boyfriend any day...or any night I'm at the club... or you know we can be friends with benefits, a hook once in a while. I'm down with anything Donnie! AHAH


oo7. Papa P
..Yeah I didn't know about this one. But It's Piolo! Ok yes there were the gay rumors a while back..but he is dating KC now.. and yes he was my mom's favorite to watch in dramas recently. And I did eventually get sick of his face. But he still has an amazing set of abs that I'd totally run my fingers down. And in the movies he seems like a gentle lover. Which would be you know a good change for the week. Sht that's a little graphic. LOL!


oo6. Pierre
I'd sex this anytime, it's Pierre! Plus he's Canadian which brings us geologically closer. Haha he also dominated some of my D's back in the day. And the stuff he did in there I'd love to see done now. LOL! (Although I did get to put the moves on him when I met him and Chuck.. I wouldn't mine finishing. AHA)J'aime le boire! Lol!


oo5. Jericho
This man has been a long time crush so I think it's reasonable to have him in bed..soon.. Now. Haha one of my first pinoy artist crushes. And seeing him more often through TFC just gives me that giddy feeling. haha


oo4. Richard
It's Richard.. I can't help but picture him with the pizza box. He's still one of my hotties. Mmmm... yummy man. I wish he was our pizza delivery boy, he'd never go home.


oo3. Shawnie boy
Although he may not top my list... he's still in my top 3. =D Gots to change it up in the bedroom a bit hun. LOL! Oh God.. there's always something about a hockey player that turns a girl on. Especially the cute and dorky like Horc. (*points* look he finds it amusing. Haha) I meant nice, cute ones. Hehe I heart him.


oo2. Dierks
Yeah this man is quite sexy, like I'd totally rip that suit off of him. But before I'd get into the sheets with this one I'd make him sing to me.. sht that voice will just seduce me without a doubt. Look at it this way, no need for foreplay. LOL! Please show me some southern hospitality baby. This one would be a keeper..Seriously. Hahaha


oo1. JT
Ok Justin has topped my list. Is there really any surprise? Haha I'm guessing it was because of my elementary/junior high fantasies. Actually that may have a lot to do with it. Whatever, this man is sexxy. Haha shit I'd drop my pants for him any day, or you know if my pants hadn't aleady somehow found their way to the ground when we're together. LOL! Mmm Justin.

Oh the joys of recovering from a long weekend. Is there anyway to describe that feeling that overtakes you that Tuesday morning? The morning that was supposed to be Monday? Lol! Shit... my mind is still on a Monday mode, if you haven't already noticed. But yeah just thought I'd do a quick LJ update. -- unless of course I fall asleep while doing an update, just like the entry before this. Lol!

So today I started my work experience at Menzie's Printing. It wasn't necessarily where I wanted to go, but sa'll good. I think they had a lot of trust in me giving me a whole buncha jobs that they themselves should be doing. That's all good, until I get into shit for doing the jobs wrong. Lol! But yeah this guy is the main one helping me out; Alex. I felt like an idiot cause I kept asking him questions. But hey, they told me to ask if I didn't understand. Haha But yeah man I got this one look from him.. this look, like the old man's *tsk tsk* Haha hey I was just waiting for him to tell me what to do since one file wasn't working right. Little did I know, I was supposed to ask him for other jobs. Pfft. Haha that stupid look wont go away. Haha Oiy... there's 8 more working days. Haha

Oh yeah weekend was fun. It was also Kristine's birthday so missy is a lady na. Mmm.. what else? Oh yeah some recommendations:
Julio's Burrio on Whyte.: Order the bulldog if you wanna get screwed. Lol! Oh and the Nachos there are brilliant. And the service is awesome.
Dream Tea: Sit down and play the games provided there. It's Fun!
Wanted: if you haven't already seen it, it's a brilliant movie. <3

Ok that's enough. I gotta take a nap.. or just sleep before I pass out. Haha


Haha shit I had to post this. Omg these guys... combined are too funny. They're some of ABS-CBN's stars formed to make a parody of boybands on a segment on ASAP 09.

Hello weekend, you've come with great expectations.

*sigh of relief* Ahhh the weekend has finally come. I've had one hell of a week. If I had to sum it up into one word it would definitely be chaotic. Appointments, finals, deadlines, in-class drama, cabbage soup, and on top of that a 'real job' assignment with a short deadline. Oiy.

I have been so tired all week, I'd get home at around 4 every day ( which I practically never do). So when I get home, I have to study and I'd end up falling asleep around nine-tenish. That totally threw my sleeping curve off the charts. Oh well atleast this week is done and I can gain some sleep and stability, with the upcoming two weeks being my work experience. Yes, yes I know... we got jipped of our read in week. =[ Sad times.

Oh yeah, Happy Valentines Day to the lovers, lovely's, and lovables. Haha Yeah it's one of my friends' birthday tomorrow as well. So there'll be a celebration.

Omg... I am so tired right now.. I was going to blog about what's been going on..but shit I'm going to have to edit this one! Night my friends.


Donny Wahlberg Matt Willis Jonathan Totgo Rayver Cruz's body Papa P Echo Pierre Bouvier Richard Guituirrez Shawn
*my reference to a list I was supposed to come up with. Still hard.